We are often asked what we miss the most from our home country. The social networks, our beloved family, and some food and products are mentioned repeatedly. There is also something else – the understanding of how the system works.
When you grow up in a certain society, the social rules, norms, and expectations, together with practical knowledge of how things work, are natural for you to know. You don’t have to think twice about how to reach out to your practitioner, what types of upper secondary education exist or to whom you address “you” in a non-formal way (sinä) or in a formal/polite way (te).
As soon as you cross the borders, none of these is useful. The school system, public health care, social services, and the relationships between people are just so different that you can’t rely on your previous knowledge. Your life starts to get a bit complicated just because of this. People might get annoyed by you not understanding the system. More importantly, you might also miss many opportunities just because it has never occurred to you that such an option exists. No one told you about it because they all knew, and that’s why they thought you knew too.
Let’s start with the basic stuff, such as greeting people in Finland. Yes or no? I have no clue still. In our culture, I was being schooled by my parents when I forgot to open my mouth and greet our neighbours. Even if I met them 5 times that day, it was still expected that we would greet each other every time. When I went for the first time in Finland to a gym and said “moi” to all the people in the changing room, no one answered back, and they all seemed to be surprised by me saying hello. I met parents through my children’s hobbies, whom I greeted straightforwardly in their faces, and they still didn’t answer back. Others, on the other hand, seem shocked when I do not say “hello” when coming to the playground. You are being judged whether you greet or not 🙂 There certainly exists some secret code on how to do it properly, which I haven’t yet broken.
Writing a message to your child’s teacher. Do you use the second-person singular or plural form? No clue either. In our culture, it’s unimaginable to say “sinä” (singular form) to the teacher, medical staff or generally to anyone you don’t know. If you do so, it’s considered super rude. In Finland, I was taught to use it only with very old people or when I meet the president. But it’s weird, and with the authorities or unknown people, I am jumping between “sinä” and “te” all the time.
More complicated questions – what types of schools can my children attend after primary education? Generally, we know about “lukiot” and “ammattikoulut”. But what the studies look like, what to consider when applying, how to plan your studies, what subjects are available there, what the graduation looks like, how many subjects you should graduate with, etc. We have no clue about these things, and we can’t guide our children pretty much anywhere. We both graduated from “lukio”, but it seems there is a huge difference between the high schools in Slovakia and Finland.
What benefits am I entitled to in case of need? We don’t understand what is available to people in what situation, and how to get what they are entitled to. If we are guided to apply for some benefits, we do so, but if we don’t get the proper guidance, we wouldn’t do it. And sometimes the guidance is just insufficient. The native population understands this much better without counselling.
What to do in case of death? I read recently an article that in Finland, my husband would not automatically inherit anything after my death, so the last will should be clearly formulated on how the inheritance should be divided. In our country, the spouse is always the one who inherits automatically.
Also, in Finland, the automatic 50:50 joint ownership of property between spouses doesn’t exist. In our home country, the spouses always share the ownership 50:50 without a specific declaration about it. It is automatically considered joint ownership once you are married (unless, of course, one of the spouses inherited the money, house, etc.). While in Finland, the spouses must always indicate what are the shares of their property. It can be whatever proportion – 50:50, 20:80, 17,25:82,75, 0:100, you name it.
As the years pass and you experience many “first-time” situations in your new country, you will become more and more familiar with the system, rules, and legislation. Unfortunately, I also feel I will never be able to get it to the same extent as I did in my home country. This is what I sometimes miss a lot – the feeling of understanding the system and the ability to navigate it properly.
