When you live abroad, holidays become very stereotypical. If you are the lucky one with the financial resources and the possibility to travel, you spend your holidays most likely in your home country, visiting your family. But can we, in such a case, talk about holidays?
My “wandering shoes” have been tickling me since the beginning of March, when the days become longer and I feel like packing my suitcase and changing the environment for a while. But you know the drill – summer is approaching, the school holidays are long, and you should go to see your parents. I am happy to do so. Our kids love spending time with their grandparents, and we love it too. But of course, there are “buts” which make such visits not the real holidays.
The first thing is that your schedule becomes packed. Everyone wants to see you, you would love to see everyone, and your calendar is overbooked. Having our families living in 2 different parts of Slovakia and having most of our friends living in the 3rd part, holidays were often just a run to another meeting. We tried managing it for a while, and then I realised it is not worth it. Unfortunately, the expat life also means disconnection and disruption of your previous social networks. I started to say no to many friends (not to the closest ones, though) because the family has priority at the moment. People sometimes struggle to understand this, and I feel uncomfortable when refusing another invitation. BUT – If I want to have holidays, I can’t be like a hamster in a running wheel trying to catch up on everything and everyone I know.
When we lived in Slovakia, we visited our families regularly – maybe every 3 weeks for a weekend. Or even longer, when I was still at home with kids. Now it is usually more – about 2 weeks with grandparents on one side, about 2 weeks with the other one. Many great things are going on – we have time to talk and do things together; being again a child, who is being taken care of; having others play with the kids, etc. BUT it also means not sleeping for one month in your bed; avoiding any conversation with the potential to argue; trying to be cool about things you are not cool; and finally being happy when you come to visit, but also when you are leaving. And I know that our family feels the same. They are thrilled when we come, and tired when we leave. They have to adjust, too. The house is a mess, their daily structure is interrupted, and they for sure hold back in many situations, too.
One last downside of spending every holiday in your home country is simply the lack of holidays or money, or both, to travel elsewhere.
For me, holidays in Slovakia are rarely an actual holiday. It is a visit. Lovely, in many ways relaxing, in many ways stressful. As any long visit for sure is. Even when relationships are good, full of love and respect for each other.
What has helped us to manage better is to take our holidays – we are alone and spending time elsewhere, which gives grandparents (and us) time to breathe. Also, taking grandparents out of the home – even if it is still in the same country, or only for a couple of nights- makes a difference. I would additionally love to travel more often, but for fewer days to visit them. My dad has a small apartment, and we can also stay in some other accommodation instead, where everyone can have their own space intact.
It still won’t be a holiday, but we might better enjoy the good sides of our visits and not overwhelm our beloved parents.
